Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Jerry Koosman Snot Ball Autograph

Jerry Koosman signed autographs at the MAB Mets Autograph session last weekend. I asked him to sign a baseball with "69 W.S. Champs" inscribed on the sweet spot.

Jerry was very nice and gave a great signature.

I had no idea that in the two seconds to follow, I would forever change my perception of Jerry Koosman, the autographed baseball, and the under-appreciation our society has for a good handkerchief.

I grabbed the baseball with my left hand and extended my right arm to shake his hand and say "thank you."

During the baseball exchange, Jerry, in slow motion, wiped his nose with his right hand and immediately afterwards shook my hand! It was a scene as dramatic, intense and slow as the "Ooooohhhhhhh Ffffffuuuuudge" exchange during the movie, "A Christmas Story."

UGH! I think I threw-up in my mouth again just typing this.

I tried to play it cool, and not disrespect him. I mean, this is Jerry Koosman! He played forever, was a world champion, and gave up Pete Rose's 4,000th career hit. I moved over to the side, put the baseball back in the box, snatched the Purell Hand Sanitizer from my backpack and proceeded to dump 1.5 of the 2 fluid ounce germ killer into my Koosman snot-riddled hands.

The stench of alcohol from my Purell soaked hands may have nearly been enough for all of the former Mets at the autograph tables to pass out. Think about that for a second, the smell of alcohol was nearly too strong for former baseball players to absorb. Nothing against baseball players, but they aren't exactly known to be the prohibition type (especially a group that includes the '86 Mets).

Like a doctor on his way to delivery a baby, I walked out of the autograph area with my hands held chest-high and palms facing me. I casually walked like this out of the exhibition area and into the restroom. Here, I spent the next 10 minutes rinsing, washing, rinsing, washing, and rinsing my hands of the Koosman snot, potential bacteria, and remnants of the Purell.

I've been home a few days, but I haven't removed the baseball from the box I dumped it in after witnessing Jerry Koosman's need for a cold remedy. I'll try to get the courage this week to move the baseball once doomed by Koosman's sinus situation.

No comments: