Friday, December 5, 2008

OJ Simpson to Serve Time for Memorabilia Heist?

I really like sports memorabilia, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't rob and kidnap to take a signed jersey, football, and suit that no longer fits.

But I'm not OJ and today he'll learn his sentencing following the guilty verdicts he received in October for robbery and kidnapping.

Karma? I don't know.

I pretty sure the following things will happen today though:

  • Johnnie Cochrane will rise from the dead and defend OJ.
  • Robert Kardashian will rise and die again after watching an episode of his family's reality TV Show.
  • William Vannatter will leave his farm and join the Las Vegas PD.
  • Judge Sam Alito will take the appeal trial.
  • Marcia Clark will come back with another hairstyle from the '80s.
  • Mark Fuhrman will solve the Natalie Holloway case.
  • Robert Shapiro will stop selling LegalZoom.
  • The Goldman family will all grow 'staches like Fred Goldman.
  • Gil Garcetti will now run the Las Vegas Police Department.
  • Al Cowlings will crash a white Ford Bronco into the courthouse.
  • John Starks will keep throwing up three-point bricks for the NY Knicks against the Houston Rockets in a rematch of the NBA Finals.

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